Atoned Memories

“Some find it hard to believe. Heh, it took me a while as well. But, it was just not meant to be. Just, like that. It might be…”

The sky is painted with a blue to light orange gradient as the sun was starting to set. The weather seemed to have a pattern of cold nights so Mark decided he would wear a light jacket before he stepped outside. Halfway through the summer and Mark already keeps finding himself with nothing to do except go up on to his roof sometimes and relax. However, one of his good friends, Ian called him up about an hour ago and asked if he wanted to hang out. “What else is there to do?” Mark thought to himself. So they decided to meet at Mark’s house after Ian had dinner.

The sun is barely peaking above the house down the street from his so he decided he would watch the sun set from his lower roof of his house until Ian arrived. Mark jumped on a small ledge past his front door, just below the roof and hopped up on to the rooftop. Just as he started to lie down, he could see his friend’s car pull up onto his street. As Ian parked his car in front of Mark’s house, he waved him down to let him know he’s up on the roof.

“What are you doing up there?” Ian asked as he closed the door to his car.

Mark replied, “Just chillin’ really. Come up and give me company. What have you been up to? What do you want to do tonight?”

“Ah, not much man. I actually wanted to talk to you about something,” Ian said while climbing up the same way Mark did before.

“Alright, what’s on your mind?”

“Well, I feel like my girlfriend and I are having some tension these days. Something seems to be holding us back and I feel like we’re starting to drift off a little.”

Mark laughed a little bit. “So, this is why you wanted to hang out?”

“Ha, yeah, I guess so. Want to help me out?”

In a joking matter, Mark said, “Ugh, sure man, tell me what you got.”

Ian took a deep breath and started to collect his thoughts. The evening seemed to have cooled down a bit more. Slight breezes took birds away from nearby trees and sent them back to their homes in their nests found elsewhere.

“Well, where do I really start? There are times when she calls or texts me, I ignore it and say that I was busy.” Ian’s phone coincidentally started ringing. He checked it and to his surprise, it was his girlfriend. “Like right now, I’m hanging out with you and I don’t really want to answer it. Is that an okay thing to do? I feel like sometimes we talk way too much. But at the same time, we should be talking a lot. Right?”

“Yeah, you guys should talk a lot. I mean, you two are boyfriend and girlfriend. And sure, you can take some time away from her. But tell her that. Or at least tell her that you’re doing something else that is keeping you from answering her. In all the other times, take every chance that you can get. When it comes to people that you are close to, we never keep them as close as we should. Whoever stops to think that this time could be the last?”

—It’s a late night and Mark is up playing video games before he heads off to bed. He’s chatting with his buddies over his headset and is having a good time. His phone starts to chime. The text message says, “Hey babe. What are you up to?” Mark glances at it, but puts it aside. Fifteen minutes pass and the phone chimes again. “Hey, want to talk over the phone tonight? I’m pretty bored.” Mark barely looks at it, enough to see that it’s from his girlfriend until he returns his eyes back to the screen. Forty-five minutes pass and his phone starts to ring. Sighing, Mark looks at it and notices that it’s from his girlfriend again. Hardly thinking about the call and more about the excuse he is going to say the next morning, he puts his phone down and lets it go to voicemail. His phone rang once more soon after and that was the last time the phone was active that night.—

“Alright, I guess I can do that,” Ian said. “But there are some other things as well. I can see physical changes in her. Not like she’s getting fat or anything, but you can see some changes. I’m very close in telling her, but I don’t know if I should. Like, I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but, I don’t really know how to approach it.”

“I believe that there’s a crucial moment when you have to tell her, and that time is when it becomes very influential to her. But before that moment, keep telling her that she’s beautiful. If she wants to make herself any different, tell her that she’s beautiful no matter how she looks. Make sure you mean this though. If there is no meaning behind it, then what’s the point of saying it in the first place? If she’s really determined on changing herself, make sure that you help her for the better. Never make the wrong remark.”

—Mark is sitting in the living room watching TV and flipping through the channels. A look of annoyance and aggravation is on his face. His girlfriend is in the other room, trying on a new dress out of a couple of others that she recently bought for their night out that night. She steps out of the room with a step of grace. She has long, flowing brown hair. Her white dress shows her figure fantastically. As she spins around, she asks him how she looks. “Oh, you look, fine,” Mark said emotionlessly. A look of confusion and slight annoyance covered her face. “Honestly? Is that all you can say?” Mark’s girlfriend asked with a slight elevated voice. “Yeah, kind of. You look fine.” She gives him an angry look and walks off into the room she was previously in again.—

The temperature starts to drop as the sun starts to go down a little bit more. They see the neighborhood kids get called in by their parents. Mark suggests that they go up a level on his roof.

Ian sighs and says, “Do we have to? I hate crossing over that corner of your house. Even though I’ve done it countless times, it still seems to scare me when I have to cross it.”

Mark laughs while he’s already starting to grab the corner and step over the gap to the other roof. “You said you’ve done it countless times, why are you so scared? It’s not even that far of a drop. Come on, I want to see the sunset.”

Ian obliges and they start their way to the next rooftop. As they find their usual seats, Ian comes up with another question. “You know, watching sunsets are usually seen by romantic people. How romantic are you Mark,” says Ian with a slight smirk. Mark just laughs once again and shoves Ian to make him off-balance.

Ian exclaims as he regains his balance, “Come on man! I almost fell of the roof!” After they take their seats, Ian sighs and starts to say, “She says that I’m not very romantic. I would like to, I really do. But, it seems that I get caught up in work, classes, friends, organizations and other stuff like that, which makes it tough to do much for her. It makes me sad that even though I try, it doesn’t seem like it’s enough. How can I balance all of this?”

Mark takes a second to think and answers, “Hear me out, if she’s at work, or maybe even at home, send her flowers. Heck, it doesn’t have to be flowers. Just send her something to let you know that you care. Not only is the thought of it that matters, but if she’s at work, she got it in front of everyone else. It shows that you want to show her off. She’s the world and she’s yours.”

—Mark is sitting as his desk looking at his syllabi for his classes this week. His girlfriend is sitting on the bed shopping on her laptop when she suddenly asks, “Hey, are you ever going to take me to a romantic dinner or something? Maybe send me a surprise gift? It’s been a while since we’ve really done something special together.” Mark seems too busy to really take notice and he blindly says, “I can’t. You know I’m too busy with classes and work. I just don’t have the time for it.” His girlfriend has heard this plenty of times but she’s too fed up with it to push him further. She just glares at the back of his head and goes back to her laptop.—

As Ian looks off into the distance toward the sunset, he starts to smile. “Yeah, she is the world to me. I guess I should try making time for her. Man, it’s going to be tough, but I’ll see what I can do. But,” As the smile starts to diminish from his face, “It seems like every time we hang out, we feel disconnected. I mean, we’ve been dating for, what is it, seven months now? Yet we never really get close and snuggle or whatever. Is she pushing me away or am I?”

Mark says, “I can’t say for sure. I don’t know the actions that you guys have done, but if you guys really care about each other,” at this moment Ian passionately says that he does and Mark continues, “Then hold her. Hold her and make her feel like nothing can hurt her and that is the only place she wants to be. A simple hug can be the unspoken word of affection that someone needs.”

—Sunday laziness has taken over Mark and his girlfriend. Mark is sitting in a recliner while his girlfriend lounges on the couch while they watch TV together. As a commercial comes up during their show, How I Met Your Other Mother, Mark’s girlfriend asks, “Hey, can you come lay down with me? I feel lonely over here all by myself.” Mark grumbles and replies, “No, I’m comfy over here. I’m too lazy to move over there.” She then whines and says, “Come onnnnnn. I promise it will be more comfy over here!” Mark simply replies, “Nope.”—

Mark once again suggests that they move to the highest part of his house. Ian agrees and they start making their way up to the third and final level of roof of Mark’s house. At this point, they can feel the breeze much faster and can see most of the neighborhood from this height.

Mark takes a deep breath and says, “Man, I can never get tired of this sight. It’s so relaxing, especially during a night like this. One of these days I want to live in a tall building and watch the sunset from my a balcony.”

Ian replies, “Yeah man, it’s a great sight you got. I wish my house was as easy to climb like yours. I’d never leave my rooftop.”

This time they don’t sit down. The sight and breeze can be felt much better while standing up. While standing, Ian starts to act annoyed by something. Mark asks what’s going on.

Ian looks down and starts to say, “Well, I was just thinking about the times we bug each other. Although I can say that most of the time it’s me, and sometimes I just snap at her. I’m starting to realize that it’s becoming more often than not. What should I do? I want to say sorry, but I feel like the damage has already been done.”

Mark also looks down before answering, “It’s never too late to say sorry. The last thing you want to do is hurt someone that is close to you. You may not notice, but each time you strike into the heart, the bond of trust is slowly deteriorating. Don’t break that trust. Once it gets to the breaking point, it’s more difficult to recover than the first time. Just make sure it’s not too late”

—….Mark and his girlfriend are arguing in the living room of his house. A strong exchange of words is happening and sharp, emotional movement is evident…Both of them are arguing in the car before leaving to go for dinner. The yelling can be heard outside of the car as clear as the other side of the street even with the doors and windows closed….Before going to bed, the two exchange arguments over the phone before they both hang up and toss their phones aside….—

Ian sighs and brings his head up and replies, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. I hope I just didn’t cut too deep and it’s not too late to say sorry.”

The sky is now flooded with the color of dark warm colors as the sun tries to make its mark on the last remain land it can touch with its sunlight.

“Getting kind of late, isn’t it?” Mark said.

“Yeah, I should probably head out pretty soon,” Ian replies, “But I’ve got one more thing that’s bugging me. Sometimes when we are in public, I try not to show my affection. I’m scared of people judging us. And I always seem to get ridiculed of PDA and whatnot every time I do show affection in public. Most of the time when I ignore the best times to hold hands or kiss, she seems distraught. But, I just can’t help it.”

Mark, quick to answer, “Take those moments. Grasp each and every single one. Hell, spontaneously do it. But really, don’t be afraid. How will you be able to show that you care for her if you can’t do it in front of the whole world? Embarrassment is only an illusion.”

—Mark and his girlfriend are walking down the street in front of his house, hand in hand. However, when Mark sees his friends run up after parking their car down the street, he quickly jerks his hand away from hers. She looks at him with a questioned and upset face, but he doesn’t realize. Mark is more concerned about his friends and his appearance to them.—

Ian takes a moment to think and says, “Maybe, all of these thoughts that I’m having are an illusion. Like, maybe they are hindering me from actually having a great relationship with my girlfriend.”


At that moment, Ian’s phone rings. His girlfriend is on the line. He glances at Mark, but Mark just nods as a sign to answer it.

Ian picks it up and talks over the phone, “Yeah…Uh huh…That’d be great! I’ll treat you to dinner or maybe something after that, sound good? … Awesome, I’ll see you in a bit.” He hangs up the phone and starts to get up. “Seems like she wants to see a late night movie,” Ian says.

Mark replies, “That’s great man! It’s getting late though so you better get going quickly.”

“Yeah, I’m about to head out.” As Ian starts his way down the roof, he looks back and says, “Hey man, thanks for all you’ve done. I really needed someone to talk to and it seems like you were my unlucky victim. Sorry for leaving you so abruptly like this. Maybe we can play some video games later or something?”

Mark laughs and says, “Don’t worry about it man. I’m here for you dude. But there’s one thing I want you to do the next time you see her. I want you to kiss her passionately. Tell her that you love her. Make sure you mean it. And take her to a restaurant or snack area that she likes even though it may not be your favorite.”

Ian looks a bit confused, but gives Mark his word. Ian hops off the lowest part of the roof and runs off to his car. He waves at Mark as he sets off toward his girlfriend’s house.

The night has started to become a lot colder than it used to. Mark comes to a conclusion that he should probably go inside. He stands up, and takes one last look at the neighborhood and the sunset. He takes a necklace out from his pocket and starts to look at it while his head is flooded with past memories.

"…It might be that our relationship was not meant to be, but the crossing of our paths were. Maybe our paths will cross again. But, maybe not. Though, the experiences I have had, and missed, those are the things I will take away."