"We can only see
Nights like tonight, I wish I could just stop time. I want to just hold this moment forever. Breathing in this familiar air is something that cannot be done anywhere else. I've spent all of my life here up to this point. This is where I came from, this is where I know I can forever call this place home. Here, I can look at the past, dwell in the present, and determine my future. So many things bring back memories. I will find myself, just standing at some point in my house, recreating the same scenery that was once there. I will catch myself creating my own time traveling machine. It's something that I wish I will never forget. Memories of my childhood. This is the time of innocence. This is the time where anything was possible. I knew no boundaries. I knew of no limits. Actually, I probably didn't know anything. But that was the best part. Not know any better than the best. This is where I made my foundation. This is where my parents, my siblings, my friends, made my foundation for my self being. And for that, I can not thank them enough. Sometimes, I wish I could reminisce for much longer than I do. I wish I don't catch myself sometimes.
But it has to happen. I have to notice it was the past. Grasp that fact, hold it close, and make it my own to use. The present right now, (and I guess I'm relating it to recent years, mainly the teenage years) is the part where it all comes together. At least, for the most part. Right now, as I sit under a single light in the cool darkness of my family room reminiscing, I look at the pieces of myself and determine who I have really become. And at this moment, I can't say that I'm proud of myself. I honestly can't. I have let my pride get the best of me. I have let my emotions take control over logic (heck, look at what i'm doing now). I have become someone that I have come to see to be lesser than I once was. But at the same time, I have made progress. I have made someone new. There are words that I have heard not to long ago. Something that made me think for a bit. "It's not about making yourself presentable. But approachable." Now this has a lot of thinking behind it. Or at least I do think so. These words are so closely related, but in fact, they have a very separate meaning. I am not going to go into any depth, because some other people may have their own interpretations. But to get back on some track, there's something I need to change. Something about the present, is making me uncomfortable.
As I wonder, will it change? Do I have the power to make this change? Or does it fall in the hands of destiny? Do I have the power of destiny? Is destiny something that we make of it? How do we know from what we know? Will we know? I have plans of my own to make myself in the future, a much more better being. I want myself to know that my name will have a connection to myself. And I want it to be what I want it to be. I will use the past to help me guide my future. I will use the present to help me know what I have recently become and what I have recently done. Too many thoughts are going through my mind. Other topics I would like to talk about, but I've made this note too long for my liking already. There was something about driving earlier this evening. The fact that things pass by so quickly and my mind was going at a pace it can relate to reality. That connection, whether fast or slow at a certain period of time, is when I lose myself, but find my own. I need a new topic. I think I'm also done with writing these type of "blogs" here on Facebook. In fact, I might delete them after some time. I'll write them at some other place. A little more private.
as far as we dream."
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