Well, I finally set all of my posts from somewhere else onto here. All the posts so far are just, as the titles say, thoughts and rambles from myself. Usually they are just random things that I just think of late at night. Some of them are up for interpretation. Hopefully I can keep posting some stuff. If you enjoy them, let me know! It'll make me more motivated to make more and be more active on this blog!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Thoughts and Rambles 14
You and I began as strangers.
I miss "you." "You" were the one who knew what "you" were doing. "You" seemed to have everything figured out. But then what happened? Did "you" lose that sort of confidence? Did "you" forget what you said? Something changed. Something happened, but "you" don't know what. Neither did the other person(s). Or, maybe "you" figured out something else, but decided to keep it to your own.
You became my life.
So, are "you" sure "you" made the right choice? Did "you" regret anything? It's a shame how fast things can change. It's a shame how things are also quick to arise from the depths of our forgotten memories. Or at least they want to be forgotten. But there is something that lingers, something that makes that memory want to still be there. Do "you" know what it is?
We will become...
"You" pushed away things that "you" said never would be. But it's inevitable. In order to have things done, lies must be said. Difficult, but true. Sometimes, I wonder what "you" are thinking or were thinking. At times, I wish that I couldn't be able to think about "you." I don't know a lot, but I do know some things. Some things are left unfinished. "You" know most of them, but some were just kept secret. Maybe that's it. Those secrets should have been kept, or expressed. As my eyes close, I look into a reflection of what it once was and what it was dreamt to be. I know "you" are still there. Deep within, waiting for something. I hope I can find it. If not, then someone else. I just want "you" to be you.
Strangers, again.
(Multiple interpretations is key for this one)
Thoughts and Rambles 13
"We can only see
Nights like tonight, I wish I could just stop time. I want to just hold this moment forever. Breathing in this familiar air is something that cannot be done anywhere else. I've spent all of my life here up to this point. This is where I came from, this is where I know I can forever call this place home. Here, I can look at the past, dwell in the present, and determine my future. So many things bring back memories. I will find myself, just standing at some point in my house, recreating the same scenery that was once there. I will catch myself creating my own time traveling machine. It's something that I wish I will never forget. Memories of my childhood. This is the time of innocence. This is the time where anything was possible. I knew no boundaries. I knew of no limits. Actually, I probably didn't know anything. But that was the best part. Not know any better than the best. This is where I made my foundation. This is where my parents, my siblings, my friends, made my foundation for my self being. And for that, I can not thank them enough. Sometimes, I wish I could reminisce for much longer than I do. I wish I don't catch myself sometimes.
But it has to happen. I have to notice it was the past. Grasp that fact, hold it close, and make it my own to use. The present right now, (and I guess I'm relating it to recent years, mainly the teenage years) is the part where it all comes together. At least, for the most part. Right now, as I sit under a single light in the cool darkness of my family room reminiscing, I look at the pieces of myself and determine who I have really become. And at this moment, I can't say that I'm proud of myself. I honestly can't. I have let my pride get the best of me. I have let my emotions take control over logic (heck, look at what i'm doing now). I have become someone that I have come to see to be lesser than I once was. But at the same time, I have made progress. I have made someone new. There are words that I have heard not to long ago. Something that made me think for a bit. "It's not about making yourself presentable. But approachable." Now this has a lot of thinking behind it. Or at least I do think so. These words are so closely related, but in fact, they have a very separate meaning. I am not going to go into any depth, because some other people may have their own interpretations. But to get back on some track, there's something I need to change. Something about the present, is making me uncomfortable.
As I wonder, will it change? Do I have the power to make this change? Or does it fall in the hands of destiny? Do I have the power of destiny? Is destiny something that we make of it? How do we know from what we know? Will we know? I have plans of my own to make myself in the future, a much more better being. I want myself to know that my name will have a connection to myself. And I want it to be what I want it to be. I will use the past to help me guide my future. I will use the present to help me know what I have recently become and what I have recently done. Too many thoughts are going through my mind. Other topics I would like to talk about, but I've made this note too long for my liking already. There was something about driving earlier this evening. The fact that things pass by so quickly and my mind was going at a pace it can relate to reality. That connection, whether fast or slow at a certain period of time, is when I lose myself, but find my own. I need a new topic. I think I'm also done with writing these type of "blogs" here on Facebook. In fact, I might delete them after some time. I'll write them at some other place. A little more private.
as far as we dream."
Thoughts and Rambles 12
It's funny how motivation can make its way into and out of life. It's amazing how easily it can do both. However, it's also hard for the same cases as well. Excuse me for my lack of proper grammar as I make this note. Grammar was never really my strong point and I tend to make a lot of redundant phrases. As if you already didn't know from my previous notes. Anyways, it has been awhile since I've written something down. I've had many ideas of making new notes, but I've been preoccupied with other things and since those times, I have forgotten what I was going to write down. But since I do have some time to myself, I've decided to make this note. I might have made another note based off of this topic, but I usually do not go back and read my past ones after I have made them. So if this is also redundant, so be it.
Motivation
So, what's yours? Motivation comes in almost everything. People can find motivation in the simplicity of the ground to the complexity of the infinite universe. So rather than asking what your specific motivation is, what are your motivations? Also, are you motivating anyone else? What better than to help motivate yourself by motivating other people? The drive to keep people going. The thought that it is you who is making a difference in someone's life. The satisfaction that you are doing accomplishing something.
Do it.
Who says you can't? Who says that you can? This is your life. This is your body. This is your soul. Why are you waiting? Every day, every hour, every minute that you take thinking about the "what if's" is spent wasted instead of doing the "can do's."
I can't.
Two words that are always a go-to. We're all victimized of these two words. They hold us back. They hinder us from being what we can be. It's easy to be demotivated. It's easy to hold things off for another time. So sure, lay back. Take it easy. Do nothing. There's always another hour I could hold it off. There's always another day in which I could do it.
"Yesterday, you said tomorrow."
I cannot really think of much more to say on this topic. Let's see here...
///
You know, it's good to be back home. I missed the privacy that a home has. It's just something here, that brings a sort of peace of mind. However, I'm still missing that certain peace of mind. Something is missing. But what? I have my family here. Is it friends? Is it some material belonging? No, no, I know that something that is hindering me from peace of mind is not something in which I can make or someone can make. Is it a loved one? Is it missing a certain idea? Maybe a certain concept? A feeling? Do I need another feeling to have this sense of another feeling which is peace of mind? But, how am I to gain it? Maybe it's not something I can gain, but something I have to earn. Something that someone has to show me and I have to achieve that certain thing. Maybe, it's something that I have to find myself. What do I long for?
Hobo. That is what I am. A hobo. I was just introduced to the real meaning of the word "hobo." If it is the true meaning. But I was introduced to a new definition. The term "hobo" means "homeward bound." If I remember correctly, it was used to call the people coming home from the Civil War here in America. The soldiers were homeward bound, hobos. Maybe I'm a hobo. Someone who is looking for their home. Someone who is looking to find somewhere, someplace, something, someone else, that can give me that sense of peace of mind.
I miss the past. I miss childhood. It was so innocent. Life seemed so long. Life seemed endless. Back when we were young, we could be anything. We could make anything from everything. Imagination was the key. I want that innocence back. I want a time where curse words were strictly taboo. Even the word butt was considered bad.
But then again, I don't want that back. There are also things in this time that I treasure. The life lessons I have learned. The people I have met. The feelings I have come to know. The mysteries I have encountered. I have become wiser through all of this. I have learned that it is better to regret something that I have done that something that I haven't done. That is how I learn. Through mistakes. Through failure. I wish I could still remember the quotes that I want to put down, but somehow I have forgotten them. Oh well, maybe I'll set them as my status. Or I'll just edit this note and put some in here. Anyways, that's not really the problem.
Actually, what is the problem?
So many situations that I wish could happen. Damn...Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive for my own good. I feel like I may be too romantic for my gender. No, no thoughts that I may be a homosexual or anything. But I don't want this note to go in that direction. Listening to this calming music on Pandora is setting a lot of ideas in my mind and resurfacing past ones. I want to share them to the world, but I also want to hold them so I can just share them to that special someone.
You know what I have come to realize? Some people have their own way with words. They just like to throw them around like they don't mean that much. Well, maybe they like to throw them around like they mean more to someone else than the next person. That bugs me for some reason. Promises are broken that way. Feelings get crushed. Spirits are shattered. But I guess that's how life is. And those people are usually the ones we love the most.
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly....And hoping they don't."
This quote is heartwrenchingly true. Sometimes, we give someone love, yet, in the end they do something else with it. Some take that word more seriously than others.
In the end, we must all move on. There is a special quote that was introduced to me that I hope to live off of.
"Some try to forget. Some tend to dwell. Me? I will do neither."
I wish I could go up on my roof right now. If it is a clear night, I would love to just look up and gaze up at the stars. Let my mind wander. Sigh, just something seems missing. I really wish I could know what it was. But, maybe that's it. Maybe I have to find it.
One of these days....
Motivation
So, what's yours? Motivation comes in almost everything. People can find motivation in the simplicity of the ground to the complexity of the infinite universe. So rather than asking what your specific motivation is, what are your motivations? Also, are you motivating anyone else? What better than to help motivate yourself by motivating other people? The drive to keep people going. The thought that it is you who is making a difference in someone's life. The satisfaction that you are doing accomplishing something.
Do it.
Who says you can't? Who says that you can? This is your life. This is your body. This is your soul. Why are you waiting? Every day, every hour, every minute that you take thinking about the "what if's" is spent wasted instead of doing the "can do's."
I can't.
Two words that are always a go-to. We're all victimized of these two words. They hold us back. They hinder us from being what we can be. It's easy to be demotivated. It's easy to hold things off for another time. So sure, lay back. Take it easy. Do nothing. There's always another hour I could hold it off. There's always another day in which I could do it.
"Yesterday, you said tomorrow."
I cannot really think of much more to say on this topic. Let's see here...
///
You know, it's good to be back home. I missed the privacy that a home has. It's just something here, that brings a sort of peace of mind. However, I'm still missing that certain peace of mind. Something is missing. But what? I have my family here. Is it friends? Is it some material belonging? No, no, I know that something that is hindering me from peace of mind is not something in which I can make or someone can make. Is it a loved one? Is it missing a certain idea? Maybe a certain concept? A feeling? Do I need another feeling to have this sense of another feeling which is peace of mind? But, how am I to gain it? Maybe it's not something I can gain, but something I have to earn. Something that someone has to show me and I have to achieve that certain thing. Maybe, it's something that I have to find myself. What do I long for?
Hobo. That is what I am. A hobo. I was just introduced to the real meaning of the word "hobo." If it is the true meaning. But I was introduced to a new definition. The term "hobo" means "homeward bound." If I remember correctly, it was used to call the people coming home from the Civil War here in America. The soldiers were homeward bound, hobos. Maybe I'm a hobo. Someone who is looking for their home. Someone who is looking to find somewhere, someplace, something, someone else, that can give me that sense of peace of mind.
I miss the past. I miss childhood. It was so innocent. Life seemed so long. Life seemed endless. Back when we were young, we could be anything. We could make anything from everything. Imagination was the key. I want that innocence back. I want a time where curse words were strictly taboo. Even the word butt was considered bad.
But then again, I don't want that back. There are also things in this time that I treasure. The life lessons I have learned. The people I have met. The feelings I have come to know. The mysteries I have encountered. I have become wiser through all of this. I have learned that it is better to regret something that I have done that something that I haven't done. That is how I learn. Through mistakes. Through failure. I wish I could still remember the quotes that I want to put down, but somehow I have forgotten them. Oh well, maybe I'll set them as my status. Or I'll just edit this note and put some in here. Anyways, that's not really the problem.
Actually, what is the problem?
So many situations that I wish could happen. Damn...Sometimes I think I'm too sensitive for my own good. I feel like I may be too romantic for my gender. No, no thoughts that I may be a homosexual or anything. But I don't want this note to go in that direction. Listening to this calming music on Pandora is setting a lot of ideas in my mind and resurfacing past ones. I want to share them to the world, but I also want to hold them so I can just share them to that special someone.
You know what I have come to realize? Some people have their own way with words. They just like to throw them around like they don't mean that much. Well, maybe they like to throw them around like they mean more to someone else than the next person. That bugs me for some reason. Promises are broken that way. Feelings get crushed. Spirits are shattered. But I guess that's how life is. And those people are usually the ones we love the most.
"Love is giving someone the power to hurt you terribly....And hoping they don't."
This quote is heartwrenchingly true. Sometimes, we give someone love, yet, in the end they do something else with it. Some take that word more seriously than others.
In the end, we must all move on. There is a special quote that was introduced to me that I hope to live off of.
"Some try to forget. Some tend to dwell. Me? I will do neither."
I wish I could go up on my roof right now. If it is a clear night, I would love to just look up and gaze up at the stars. Let my mind wander. Sigh, just something seems missing. I really wish I could know what it was. But, maybe that's it. Maybe I have to find it.
One of these days....
Thoughts and Rambles 11
"Now concludes the first battle. Some may not even call it a battle while other may recall it being very difficult. Either way, we all experienced some of the same things. We all went into the battle with some knowledge of what it will be like. Some were prepared more than others however. Some were wearing and wielding top quality armor and weapons while others were left going in with second choices. That's how it always is. But they made the most of it. We all tried our best to make the most of it.
Some went into the heat of the battle right off the start. They hit the ground running. Hard. Others went in where there were very little resistance. No matter what difficulty everyone entered in as, many were separated from their loved ones. Many were also separated from their closest companions. This distance was either the cause of their fall, rise, or had no affect on them whatsoever.
However, we were not alone. We were never alone. Through the period of the battle they may have made new friends, found new places to call home, and found new loves. However, in order to find new things, some of them had to leave the past behind. Things may have been forgotten in the heat of the battle. But, they will rise up again. They will be found again either by someone new or their previous possessor.
We may have exited the battle with scars that will stick with us forever. But they will not be the last. We may have returned with self-proclaimed badges of honor that we will always cherish. But once again, they will not be the last. The days seemed to have blended into each other. There have been times where I have forgotten what number of the month I was presently in or even what name of the day. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And quite possibly, the complete opposite.
At this time, I have come to some realization in my life. When faced with new things, people change. Everyone does. This does not exclude anyone at all. But through that period of change, we find out who is real, and who is not. We find out the liars from the ones we used to trust, and we find the people who we can trust through the ones that used to lie. The heat of battle changes people. At the brink, we show who we truly are. We show who our true character is. Or what it will become. Is that the final stage though? Of course not. Why would it be? It is much too early to tell.
But here is where we make our foundation. We find out who will step in when the rest of the world turns their back on us. We find out that we may have to be part of the world that turns their back. We find out who we can truly trust. We find out who people are. We find out a little bit more about ourselves. We make ourselves into what we are to become just a little bit more. I hope that when they ask me how I survived, I answer, "With friends." I hope to find myself just a bit more. I still have to finish writing my own story.
Nothing lasts forever. Now enter what you want in to that empty space. You make your own history. You make your own future. You make yourself. That is what I have learned. At least, that is what I have come to know.
Forever ends. Does it? Are promises worth keeping even if they have to be lied about? Was it a lie when I left home and told them I would fight to bring back peace? Does it make sense? Sometimes, lies tell us the truth. I believe there are two types of feelings behind lies. One: To not care enough to tell the truth. Two: To care enough to protect us from the truth. Now tell me, which side do I partake in the most? Did I tell those villagers the right thing? Did I take the lives of my enemies for the better? Who is to be called an enemy when we are all fighting for a cause that we believe in?
Maybe some people live for the drama. Maybe some people live for the adrenaline they get on the battlefield. They want to come back home with scars to prove they have become stronger in many ways. Maybe some people just want to watch the world burn. Maybe some people want that to happen so they can have the opportunity to save the world. So tell me, which side am I on?
Are you the enemy, or are you the hero?
At the end of this war, I hope to tell my story with some words of wisdom. I hope to end this war before the children of this era find out what war is really like. Through this time, I will meet other people. Much more than I have met already. And I can only try to prepare myself. But sometimes life likes to be different and throw everything out of line. Let it be.
So, let it be. Let it go."
Hm, well, this took much longer than I had expected. I had this thought of writing something like this a long time ago, but I never really got around to finishing it. It just ended up adding stuff, deleting stuff, and a whole bunch of other things. But this is called Thoughts and Rambles. But I also wanted this to be a little be different. I wanted this to be like a diary/log of a soldier in war. Not modern time war, I envision it to be like fictional type of war. Does this relate to anything in real life? I don't know. I couldn't honestly tell you. I'll probably end up making edits to this entry. I feel like I need to. Anyways, time to think some more. Man, I think way too much.
Some went into the heat of the battle right off the start. They hit the ground running. Hard. Others went in where there were very little resistance. No matter what difficulty everyone entered in as, many were separated from their loved ones. Many were also separated from their closest companions. This distance was either the cause of their fall, rise, or had no affect on them whatsoever.
However, we were not alone. We were never alone. Through the period of the battle they may have made new friends, found new places to call home, and found new loves. However, in order to find new things, some of them had to leave the past behind. Things may have been forgotten in the heat of the battle. But, they will rise up again. They will be found again either by someone new or their previous possessor.
We may have exited the battle with scars that will stick with us forever. But they will not be the last. We may have returned with self-proclaimed badges of honor that we will always cherish. But once again, they will not be the last. The days seemed to have blended into each other. There have been times where I have forgotten what number of the month I was presently in or even what name of the day. Days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months. And quite possibly, the complete opposite.
At this time, I have come to some realization in my life. When faced with new things, people change. Everyone does. This does not exclude anyone at all. But through that period of change, we find out who is real, and who is not. We find out the liars from the ones we used to trust, and we find the people who we can trust through the ones that used to lie. The heat of battle changes people. At the brink, we show who we truly are. We show who our true character is. Or what it will become. Is that the final stage though? Of course not. Why would it be? It is much too early to tell.
But here is where we make our foundation. We find out who will step in when the rest of the world turns their back on us. We find out that we may have to be part of the world that turns their back. We find out who we can truly trust. We find out who people are. We find out a little bit more about ourselves. We make ourselves into what we are to become just a little bit more. I hope that when they ask me how I survived, I answer, "With friends." I hope to find myself just a bit more. I still have to finish writing my own story.
Nothing lasts forever. Now enter what you want in to that empty space. You make your own history. You make your own future. You make yourself. That is what I have learned. At least, that is what I have come to know.
Forever ends. Does it? Are promises worth keeping even if they have to be lied about? Was it a lie when I left home and told them I would fight to bring back peace? Does it make sense? Sometimes, lies tell us the truth. I believe there are two types of feelings behind lies. One: To not care enough to tell the truth. Two: To care enough to protect us from the truth. Now tell me, which side do I partake in the most? Did I tell those villagers the right thing? Did I take the lives of my enemies for the better? Who is to be called an enemy when we are all fighting for a cause that we believe in?
Maybe some people live for the drama. Maybe some people live for the adrenaline they get on the battlefield. They want to come back home with scars to prove they have become stronger in many ways. Maybe some people just want to watch the world burn. Maybe some people want that to happen so they can have the opportunity to save the world. So tell me, which side am I on?
Are you the enemy, or are you the hero?
At the end of this war, I hope to tell my story with some words of wisdom. I hope to end this war before the children of this era find out what war is really like. Through this time, I will meet other people. Much more than I have met already. And I can only try to prepare myself. But sometimes life likes to be different and throw everything out of line. Let it be.
So, let it be. Let it go."
Hm, well, this took much longer than I had expected. I had this thought of writing something like this a long time ago, but I never really got around to finishing it. It just ended up adding stuff, deleting stuff, and a whole bunch of other things. But this is called Thoughts and Rambles. But I also wanted this to be a little be different. I wanted this to be like a diary/log of a soldier in war. Not modern time war, I envision it to be like fictional type of war. Does this relate to anything in real life? I don't know. I couldn't honestly tell you. I'll probably end up making edits to this entry. I feel like I need to. Anyways, time to think some more. Man, I think way too much.
Thoughts and Rambles 10
Ugh. I hate feeling sick. It's this weird weather change, I swear. Maybe I just have allergies. Meh. Anyways, not sure what to really talk about on this one. I just haven't been feeling myself lately. No, no depression or anything. You may think that because of my statuses, but don't you worry, I'm okay. Lol. It's not of sadness I would say. But more of trying to accept. Taking a more serious look at things. Maybe I have to mature a bit. Maybe others have to. Who knows. Maturity has been defined on so many levels that it has become almost obsolete to modern time. Or has it? I don't know. It's late. I'm tired. I'm kind of sick. And I'm just rambling about whatever to myself and maybe to whoever reads this. Sigh. I wish I could figure out so many questions that are going through my mind. I wish I knew what to do. I wish I could know what I am able to do. Maybe that's what I have to strive for. Maybe I have to find my limit and break it. I don't even know anymore. Music can be so calming at times. Music can express what words alone cannot. The real quote goes along those lines. I'm listening to an instrumental song called Healing Touch and it's quite calming. Makes me wish that I could play piano as much as I used to. Ah. So many wishes. So few stars. Promises. Promises. Promises. I keep them. Do you? Am I still? What did it mean? What did it all mean? As I lie here, and close my eyes, I drift off into another world. Will you hold me down or let me go? Do you know what is at stake? These questions probably don't mean anything to you. Heck, they could hardly mean anything to me. But, I don't know. I just love to play with detailed words. Every word has its meaning. I tend to use that and put it to an extreme. What can I say. I'm a mad of my word. I have been. I always will. I promise. Life is hard. Too many things. I wish I could fall asleep. But I just had to take out my iPod and write this, didn't I? Yeah. Oh well. Feels good to let some thoughts go out. Not so good to let coughs go out. I need sleep and rest. Goodnight world. Hope you can spin me a better week. Man, why do I always seems to pitiful? I really need to change this. Until another day. . . .
Thoughts and Rambles 9
Thoughts and Rambles 9
by Kevin Yoon on Sunday, October 10, 2010 at 1:05am
Today, I declare to myself a resolution. Why do I choose this day? Well, the least important reason is because of the date. October 10, 2010. In numeric form, 10/10/10. And since 10 is one of my favorite numbers, might as well start today. To bad this isn't my 10th note. To move on to more important matters, I've been noticing a lot and reality is hitting me hard. School is much hard than what it once was. I'm still in the same mind set and it's getting me no where. I need to start picking myself back up, and take the initiative to make a change to my study habits. I need a change. I need to change. But to what extent? I've also noticed in myself that I have changed in personality. I miss the old self. The old me. However, I still need to change the old me. What I'm trying to say really is that I need to change the academic part of the old me and regain the personality of the old me. I would also like to regain the physical state that the old me was in. I'm out of shape. But that's really besides the point. I need to take a step in the right direction. As of right now, I'm stumbling and falling hard. But as the old proverb goes, "Fall seven times, stand up eight." I've got so much on my mind. I need to lay it out on a more organizable fashion. But, it's harder than it seems for me. I just need to get myself to work. I just need to stop worrying and do something about it. I have to take care of myself. Life has changed. I must too. But I must also know where I am to change. Where are we heading? What are we heading for? What is the cause? Destiny? Is destiny something we can make or control? Or is it just out of our reach? So many questions. So many worries. So many thoughts. I need a break. A break from myself. A change for myself. The resolution starts now. Get to it Kevin.
Thoughts and Rambles 8
Change. Promises. Love. Hate. Thinking. Fake. Accepting. Impossible. Broken. Shattered. Someone. No one. Keep going? Future.
Thoughts and Rambles 7
Well, here I am. The next level of life I suppose. Boy do I feel homesick. It's such a change here coming from where I was. I'm already so lost and feeling inferior to all the talent here. Hopefully I'll find my place. Hopefully it'll find me as well. Looking back, I miss those days. So carefree. Childhood had such an innocent feeling to it. Quoting a passage here:
"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swining on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up."
Now I would have to say all of that isn't true. And yes, some of it is just part of life. But to think, just to think just for a couple of minutes, that was all true. That was all the innocence we left behind. At least stored away for another time. But, you know how good it would be just to relieve a moment in the past? One good moment and hit rewind all the time? I think it would be great. But that's just me. Of course I would love to hit fast forward and see what the future has in store, but that also creates a fear. A fear of knowing what will happen and if I could change it or not. Change. Such a determining word.
Change is inevitable. Spell check that but whatever. I'm pretty sure I've written about change before, but I'll hit on it again. It's just a matter of adaption. Adaption both of the person who is experiencing change and who is witnessing it. How can we adapt? What are the correct ways? Is there one? Do we try to stop it? Do we try to accept it? Who, what, when, where, and why? Well, maybe not all those 'w' words, but you get the drift. I'm facinated by change. However, it's not all good.
You know when you get that feeling in your body that you're just about to break? Oh, I do. Well, not exactly break, but you know. Like an overwhelming sense of nervousness or anxiety. It freaking sucks. Especially in a place where you know very few people and can't physically communicate with old friends and family. I could break off and go into communication right now, but I think I'm going to hold it off for here. It's getting a bit to depressing. Sorry for that. And no, I'm not depressed. Just tired, anxious, worried, and a whole lot of other emotions. Anyways, take care. Have a good night.
"Lollipops turn into cigarettes. The innocent ones turn into sluts. Homework goes in the trash. Mobile phones are being used in class. Detention becomes suspension. Soda becomes vodka. Bikes become cars. Kisses turn into sex. Remember when getting high meant swining on the playground? When protection meant wearing a helmet? When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties? Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero? Your worst enemies were your siblings. Race issues were about who ran the fastest. War was only a card game. And the only drug you knew was cough medicine. When wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut. The most pain you felt was when you skinned your knees, and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow? And we couldn't wait to grow up."
Now I would have to say all of that isn't true. And yes, some of it is just part of life. But to think, just to think just for a couple of minutes, that was all true. That was all the innocence we left behind. At least stored away for another time. But, you know how good it would be just to relieve a moment in the past? One good moment and hit rewind all the time? I think it would be great. But that's just me. Of course I would love to hit fast forward and see what the future has in store, but that also creates a fear. A fear of knowing what will happen and if I could change it or not. Change. Such a determining word.
Change is inevitable. Spell check that but whatever. I'm pretty sure I've written about change before, but I'll hit on it again. It's just a matter of adaption. Adaption both of the person who is experiencing change and who is witnessing it. How can we adapt? What are the correct ways? Is there one? Do we try to stop it? Do we try to accept it? Who, what, when, where, and why? Well, maybe not all those 'w' words, but you get the drift. I'm facinated by change. However, it's not all good.
You know when you get that feeling in your body that you're just about to break? Oh, I do. Well, not exactly break, but you know. Like an overwhelming sense of nervousness or anxiety. It freaking sucks. Especially in a place where you know very few people and can't physically communicate with old friends and family. I could break off and go into communication right now, but I think I'm going to hold it off for here. It's getting a bit to depressing. Sorry for that. And no, I'm not depressed. Just tired, anxious, worried, and a whole lot of other emotions. Anyways, take care. Have a good night.
Thoughts and Rambles 6
New clothes, new electronics, new style, new character, and soon a new life. Four years has come and gone, and now another is on its way. Am I ready? Hardly. Am I going to give up? No. Struggles are part of life. We have to learn how to analyze, compute, resolve, and act. Easier said then done however. It always is. Trying to tell yourself that it'll be okay, that you'll be okay if it happens. However, lies can get only so far. It's sort of like a security blanket I suppose when we were little. Something we could easily go to and hold on to. But we soon realize in the future that it was all in the mind. Ha, depressing words no? Sorry sorry, no intention. Just talking and rambling. Childhood. Such an innocent part of our lifetime. Carefree. Everything was possible. Floor burns and minor cuts were the only things that could prove you were tough. And goodbyes only meant until tomorrow. I'm surely missing some other childhood memories but it's late. I also know that some people didn't have the best of a childhood. And to them, I am sorry. I went through some difficult times dealing with racism. But, I learned to ignore it when it came my way and some of my fellow classmates grew out of it too. Ha, look at me talking like I'm old. Trying to relapse memories that were hardly ten years ago. But think, ten years ago was a new millennium. Now, so many things have changed. People come and go. Drama happens regularly. Love becomes issues. Feelings conflict. Hormones rage. Influences arise. Friends become enemies. Enemies become friends. The list goes on. Too bad that's not going to change. It's going to last forever. Ah, how I wish so many things. Life is a gift though. We shouldn't take it for granted, but there are sayings that says it's okay. So, what's correct? I don't know. It's up to the person reading them I suppose. But it's whatever. It's time to move on. Too much trouble dwelling in the past. Too bad it's part of our foundation.
Thoughts and Rambels 5
(Posted originally 30 minutes before the midnight of my birthday)
In my last thirty minutes of being a minor, it's got me to think just a little bit more. Well, I wasn't born until around ten to ten thirty A.M., but that's besides the point. It's amazing how so many things have come out to what they are now. Looking back to when I was only in the low single digits of my age, I remember being invincible. Everything was possible. I could do anything when I grow up. It doesn't seem that hard, everybody is doing it. That's right, everybody is doing it. Everybody is growing up...Hard to take in once we really look at it. As the years go on, we never have a moment in time where we can just freeze time and space and look at the world. We hardly have enough time to stop and look at our own life. We have so much to do. But, how much time do we have? Did we want to do what we wanted to do in the time period we have been given up to now? Have I done what I wanted in this near to eighteen years of my life? I'll be the first to say it, no. At least, I haven't. The sad thing is that, we can't really make up time. We have to keep moving. We just have to restart on what we wanted to do. I hope I have changed some lives over the past years. And I hope that I can change more in the future. I have been changed by many lives. It's amazing how so many things can inspire, distraught, create, and destroy my life. One thing that has held me back the most is shyness. To the people I know close and are becoming close to, they know that shyness is no longer a major essence of my character. But looking back, I know I was shy when I was first talking to them. I keep breaking down barriers of that shyness. I owe it to my very close friends. It's amazing how just talking to someone, just doing a little action with them, can change their life for better, or for worse. In my life, I hope to change lives for the better. I hope to change my life for the better. Sigh, sometimes, I figure that I am too sensitive sometimes. Reduces my manliness, you know? Hahaha, yeah, yeah. So much has passed, so much to think about, so much I could be writing down, but I shall leave that for future notes. I want to spend these last few minutes thinking to myself about...Well, about a lot of things.
In my last thirty minutes of being a minor, it's got me to think just a little bit more. Well, I wasn't born until around ten to ten thirty A.M., but that's besides the point. It's amazing how so many things have come out to what they are now. Looking back to when I was only in the low single digits of my age, I remember being invincible. Everything was possible. I could do anything when I grow up. It doesn't seem that hard, everybody is doing it. That's right, everybody is doing it. Everybody is growing up...Hard to take in once we really look at it. As the years go on, we never have a moment in time where we can just freeze time and space and look at the world. We hardly have enough time to stop and look at our own life. We have so much to do. But, how much time do we have? Did we want to do what we wanted to do in the time period we have been given up to now? Have I done what I wanted in this near to eighteen years of my life? I'll be the first to say it, no. At least, I haven't. The sad thing is that, we can't really make up time. We have to keep moving. We just have to restart on what we wanted to do. I hope I have changed some lives over the past years. And I hope that I can change more in the future. I have been changed by many lives. It's amazing how so many things can inspire, distraught, create, and destroy my life. One thing that has held me back the most is shyness. To the people I know close and are becoming close to, they know that shyness is no longer a major essence of my character. But looking back, I know I was shy when I was first talking to them. I keep breaking down barriers of that shyness. I owe it to my very close friends. It's amazing how just talking to someone, just doing a little action with them, can change their life for better, or for worse. In my life, I hope to change lives for the better. I hope to change my life for the better. Sigh, sometimes, I figure that I am too sensitive sometimes. Reduces my manliness, you know? Hahaha, yeah, yeah. So much has passed, so much to think about, so much I could be writing down, but I shall leave that for future notes. I want to spend these last few minutes thinking to myself about...Well, about a lot of things.
Thoughts and Rambles 4
So that forgiveness cannot be tainted by the wrong-doings of another. For it is only to heal. This is one of the deadliest weapon we have as humans. If we cannot forgive, then how can there be peace? If we cannot forgive, how can there be love? I'll say how, to not even allow the chance of forgiveness to happen. No, not as to not allow the persons to not have the capability to forgive, but to not let them have reasons. We must live to the image of perfection. Forgiveness must only happen in giving balance on inanimate objects. Forgive and forget? Never. Do not give the chance. To not give the reasons. But if it does happen, we must ask for the weapon to be brought upon us and upon others. Shall this weapon be used for evil or for good? Only the holder will tell. With the clutch of forgiveness, one holds the essence of another or one's own self. . . .
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